clueless entry

 ألسلام عليكم ورحمة ألله وبركاته

Tiba2 jadi clueless nak mulakan entry kali ni... setiap kali tergerak nk menulis pn, mesti disebabkan ada sesuatu yg agak mengganggu fikiran... i'm not sure how to say this... but it gives me trouble somehow in someway... ~sigh~

rasanya dh lama tak update perkembangan ain yg sebenar... apa yg ain buat sekarang? ain kat mana..? perlu ke semua tu..?? huhu... looking at my personality, of course la tak perlu sbb ain kurang gemar menggembar-gemburkan berita terbaru ain... bukannya apa, just i felt that it's better  for me to remain silent before everything is stable... 

what i can say is, i'd been in KL... kedatangan ain ke sini sgt2 membuatkan ain terasa Allah tu Maha Menyayangi... mcm mana ain pikir pn, tetap terasa Allah adalah Pengatur hidup yg terbaik..! dh puas ain ke sana ke sini menimba ilmu dan pengalaman pasal manusia dan kehidupan, akhirnya smpai jgk ain ke dunia yg penuh dgn hiruk-pikuk + ragam manusia nih... ini bukanlah suasana hidup yg ain suka... tp kalo diri sendiri tak dicabar utk melalui sesuatu yg kita benci, then pada ain, susah utk kita maju ke depan... tak kisah la dari segi apa pn... baik dari segi attitude atau pn rohaniah....

apa yg ain nak actually Allah dah bagi satu demi satu... dan ikhlas dari hati, ain rasa sgt terharu dan dan sgt2 menghargai pemberian Allah buat ain... kalau lah bukan kerana Dia, it will be tough for me now... very tough..! 

my emotion is not in a good condition... i'm not feeling happy.... (T _ T)

ain tak da masalah pasal kerja... tak da masalah pasal kawan2...  i enjoy  n treasure my job very much... the environment is okay for me to adapt... in fact, that is one place utk ain sometimes lupa sekejap tentang beberapa perkara... 

this is just my problem actually... nobody's fault... ain tak hapy bila ain rasa kurang bebas in order to be myself..! i don't know how to put this matter on coz it's quite a sensitive thing for me to write it here...  i'm thinking too much..!! i always remind myself bout this... to stop predicting things that i'm not very sure about... setakat ni blh la handle lagi... itu pn dgn mengharap secebis kekuatan dari Yang Maha Menyayangi... but still it become a bothersome for me... make me feel like to cry... or going somewhere else to calm my mind... but where to..? i'm not familiar with this place... n it's not a safe place for me to wandering here and there by myself... all this kind of things make me stuck within my own emotion... ~deep sigh~

it seems like there will be a lot of thing for me to keep learning... about life n also bout human... i can feel that what i'm facing now is much or less given by My Lord as a preparation for something HE might give me in da future... i don't know what is it... tp kebiasaannya mcm tu lah... bila ada sesuatu kesukaran yg ain terpaksa hadapi, it was actually a training for me... bila ain dh bersedia, then Allah akan letakkan ain di tempat yg ain nk sgt to be there... 

this is all because HE loves me... i know... regardless of how a bad servant i am... HE'll still loves me n cares for me n looks close at me... kerana DIA, susah utk ain rasa i'm all alone... i have to be tough..! no matter how bad the situation for me to adapt and to accept... i have HIM with me... he'll guide me to the right path... 

i just need to have patience and faith... i'd gone through this kind of matters a lot already... of course i can do this again..! i would never say no before i take the challenge..! yes... that's me..!! go girl!! u can face this...!!

sejauh mana aku melangkah pergi...

takkan pernah sekali-kali...

aku berputus asa dgn rahmatMu ya Ilahi...

kerana hanya Kau yg tetap sudi...

menemaniku kala aku sendiri...

menenangkan sekeping jiwa yg sunyi...

mententeramkan hati yg diamuk resah tak bertepi...

biarpun aku sering melupai...

Kau yg selalu setia di sisi...

namun nilai kasih Mu terlalu tinggi...

untuk aku pura-pura tak menyedari...

bahawa Kau sentiasa ada memerhati...

sekecil-kecil tingkah dan gerak geri...

walau aku bukan pencinta yg sempurna...

namun aku menyayangi Mu...

dan aku memerlukan Mu...

untuk terus membimbing sekeping hatiku...

yang sering alpa dan leka dari tanggungjawab ku...

sebagai khalifah di bumi Mu......

O Allah...

please stay with ur this little servant...

i need YOU... 

so that i won't go too far from YOU...

i am begging U my Lord...

to always be by my side...

and to please guiding the instability of UR servant... 

in loving U n UR Rasul...

with all efforts that i have...