Thursday, October 06, 2016

Broken Heart

ألسلام عليكم ورحمة ألله و بركاته

I was telling everyone in office today I'm heart broken.. But no one seems to believe me.. Well I guess I'm just too good in pretending... :)

I did lots of thought.. My heart, my mind were trembling these few days. Being totally ignored and not knowing anything.. Having no one but myself to blame.. Being wondering what is it going wrong.. Is this the end? Just all sorts of thinking.. You know~

Of course I indeed react bit hastily too.. Which had probably made things worse.. Well you know women, they always act first and think later.. That's why talak is not in our hand... Because this is the nature of women's creation where they tend to act based on emotion first  and only when they calm down, they start resenting their stupid actions.. IF we ever resent it... Huhu..

The heart broken into pieces.. 

When things started going wrong, I felt like my heart was torn apart.. Thinking this can't be happening again.. Oh God.. I just felt broken..

But you know.. Allah is The Best.. Go back to Him.. Even when you feel like you don't have the capacity to go through the test, He will guide and give you ease and peace.. Alhamdulillah.. 

The thing is... I'm the type of person when I really care and love someone, I just want the best for them.. There's no point of forcing someone to keep being with you when they are not happy. You won't be happy too. Rather it's better to just let them go looking for their happiness.. 

How I feel bout that person now~

Of course being too idealistic like this putting me in the risk of looking like someone who don't really care.. Like he/she means nothing much for me that it's too easy to let go.. That's the thing nobody would understand but only Allah would.. How broken I am.. I'm amending it bit by bit inshaAllah.. But it's not quite stable yet.. It's still easily bendable when I get deeply attached to someone.. And there is when Allah will knock me little bit for never learning my lesson.. Hu hu~

That person always say "this is life.."

I'm putting myself in his shoes.. If I'm the one doing this, how would he react.. I think he will put his trust to Allah and open his heart for whatever Allah decide on him.. And maintain calm in the same time.. Trusting that everything will be ok inshaAllah.. Well he's a male anyway.. His ability to keep calm in turbulence like this is much higher obviously than me.. But I'll do my best to act in the same way.. Only Allah knows everything.. 

I realize that hoping mercy from people is useless.. They can leave you when they are not happy with you.. Even if that will break you off.. 

Only Allah The Almighty would always be merciful to His servants and won't ever let them suffer too much.. Even if He allows them to suffer, it must be for their own sake.. 

I really don't seem like someone whose heart is breaking isn't it? :D


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I was born on 5 Muharram 1407.. sweet and cute lady~ haha~ just joking... common and moderate... a little servant of Allah.. love art... complicated~~